[QOTW] Quote of the Week, November 13, 2005

[Quote of the Week]

Hullo, QOTWers!

You may praise whatever god you believe in, Zeus or whatever, to discover
this peculiarly early QOTW email in your inbox. Well, it's a slow night,
and I'm a naive young recruit proving my competence in writing and
recieving e-mails. Now you probably don't know me. Us froshmores generally
don't know about the majesty of QOTW and simply stare with glazed eyes at
the strange sheets of paper which for some reason have amusing quotes on
them. Here's all you need to know about me in a helpful profile.
Grade: lim(h->0) [(10x^2-30)/(x^2-3)]
Gender: Mail
I enjoy: Peanut butter sandwiches
I don't enjoy: Loud noises
Favorite letter of the alphabet: m... no wait, k
Blood type: I don't know
If I could open to a random page of the dictionary and read a word, it'd
be: pangolin
There are two reasons you probably don't know me well- I'm not a fan of
talking and, as I am told, I look like I want to choke you to death, which
is only true Thursday afternoons. (Even then, it's nothing personal.) I
swear, I'm only slightly homocidal at heart. To those of you that read all
of that, good job. To those of you who are skipping over this, screw you.

Alright, now the actual info. Last week's winning quote was from the
slightly unfair comedy duo of Michael Harris and Jesus Christ, with their
one-two combo: Michael Harris: "Jesus Christ!" Dustin Hadden: "Yes?". I
don't know either of these people. Amusingly, four of the nominees were
less funny than the backside of a watch. Now onto the quotes, which you
may notice aren't very good, owing to the fact that people find it hard to
concentrate on wittiness when I'm trying to kill them (I procrastinated
until Thursday afternoon). Thus one of them is dragged up from a memorable
class of mine in freshman year, and one of them is my own. This is against
the rules, but rules are for squares, and I'm a triangle.

"Life is sex."
-Aaron Berard

"They won't discredit us if they think we're socially dysfunctional, right?"
-Nick Pittman, on the evaluators visiting this week

"That's the true purpose of education: to sound smart at cocktail parties."
-Mr. Wharton, to last year's Language and Ethics class

"They don't burn witches in Salem anymore. They divorce them."
-Meg Short's train conductor

"You're going to fall in love with someone. They're going to die. You're
going to die. Your kitten's going to die."
-Mrs. Grant

"I had 5 kids, like many of you won't."
-Mr. Merrill (ouch)

"I went to Harvard, so I knew I was somewhat smarter than everyone else."
-Mr. Merrill again

"You know what's sad? Mr. Merrill was trying to find something good about
America, and he had to go back to 1945."
-Ryan Morrow

"We all know something about living under a time of persecution. Everyone
went to high school, didn't they?"
-Steven Smith, Yale professor of political science

"If you are still hungry, have another fortune cookie."
-Fortune Cookie

I threw the fortune cookie in there because it's always fun to see
inanimate objects be funnier than people. Obligatory section: sign up for
honorable mentions by e-mailing honorablementions-subscribe at qotw.net and
remember to vote, and correctly, you lazy jerks. I'm assuming that the
admissiosn process turns down people that can't navigate a website, but
here's a link just in case. http://www.qotw.net/~qotw/howtovote.html

Voting ends Friday at 5. Have a lovely weekend.
-Ryan "the Lion" Morrow