[QOTW] Quote of the Year 2004-2005, Round 2

[Quote of the Week]

Voters:

The time has come for another preliminary round of Quote of the Year.  It
seems that few of you fully understand just what Quote of the Year is,
that QOTY is seen merely as reruns.  I've even heard it used as a
derogatory slang term roughly synonymous with "Limp Bizkit album."  But in
fact, these QOTY emails--featuring the winners from the previous twelve
weeks--serve an essential function: the four top vote-getters will advance
to the Quote of the Year Championship round this June.  You see, no matter
how ill-conceived and incompetent QOTW's actions may seem, they are always
helping to achieve a higher purpose (and no, that purpose is not
"incompetence").

Speaking of higher purposes, you should vote this week as you would any
other (by following the instructions at
http://www.qotw.net/~qotw/howtovote.html).  Last week's winner (which will
be featured not in this QOTY round, but in the next one) was "No, you
cannot call me Papa Calculus." -Mr. Riahi.

In other news, Quote of the Week is looking for current Commonwealth
freshmen, sophomores, and juniors willing to serve as "Quoters" next year.
 Most of the QOTW staff will be graduating this year, and thereafter
fleeing into the cavernous halls of higher education.  QOTW needs fresh
faces willing to write down funny quotes and send out punctual emails.  If
you're even remotely interested, contact me (Ben Orlin) either in person
or by replying to this email, and I'll talk you into it.

This week's nominated quotes:

"You thought I didn't exist, like a 3F orbital or something." -Ms. Jackman

"Diversity is like a little old lady who's got you by the ears.  But you
can't touch her, because she's a little old lady, and in the end she
probably means well." -Michael Sailsman

"I'm an atheist.  I don't believe he exists." -Greta Friar, responding to
the assertion that Mr. Riahi is a god

"I would like to go to Swarthmore because there are very few words that
have four consonants in a row, so if you can pronounce the word Swarthmore
correctly you become part of an elite I feel I belong in." -Madame
Folkman, suggesting ideas for a student's "Why I want to go to Swarthmore"
essay

"You're like an oozily corrupt politician accepting bribes under the table
in some sweaty unformed Latin American democracy." -Becca Thal, to Kate
Alper, for attempting to use old quotes in a QOTW email

"They're all dead because they missed the ark.  Or because two gay
unicorns boarded the ark.  But that would be blaming the gay community."
-Norris Wong, on the disappearance of unicorns

"You know how you go into exams with 8 pencils and you come out and
they're all dull?  The same thing happens to your brain!  You go in with a
sharp wit and when you come out you're all stub." -Ben Orlin

"Man... sometimes I wonder how Commonwealth collectively deals with the
fact that we all have friends who give advice like, 'You should do it. 
Because it would make me laugh.'" -Joanna Rifkin

"That's right, the Bush administration is going to take on Halloween once
they're through with Al Qaeda." -Julian Hyde, on the War on "Terror"

"See?  See?  Someone else gets it!  Pointy metal should stay out, blood
should stay in!" -Alex George, overjoyed to learn of Josh's aversion to
sharp things

"It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside--like I just swallowed a
hamster." -Garrison Inge

"What other information is useful for carbon-dating something?  Say you
found my body and you wanted to date it somehow... oh God, that came out
wrong." -Ms. Jackman

Voting closes, as it has since the days of Genesis, when men were men and
floods were floods and everybody walked uphill to school both ways, at
5:00 pm on Friday.

-Ben "blue ribbon cheesecake" Orlin

P.S. QOTW wishes a very happy birthday to Ben Miller, who is now eligible
to enlist in the United States army and to vote in United States
elections.  In unrelated news, QOTW offers its deepest condolences to the
United States.