[QOTW] Quote of the Week, July 18

[Quote of the Week]

QOTW Members:

Last week's winner was "Children's literature is a bunny-eat-bunny world."
-Kathleen Leverich, children's book writer.

Quote of the Week is currently in the throes of a quote drought of
biblical proportions.  Sadly, the wit harvest has proved far too meager
this week for us to afford the customary feast.  But, lest you worry that
this noble enterprise is degenerating into "the Quote of the Weak", we
assure you that QOTW will be back in full force next week, and as good as
ever, under one condition: that you (yes, you) do your part by submitting
the funny things you hear.  Just use the handy submission form on our
superb web site, www.qotw.net.

In the meantime, to promote the bonus Honorable Mentions list, we offer
you this partial rerun of the Honorable Mentions from May 16:

"They didn't want to lose to Gerald Ford, who kept bumping into things and
forgetting where he was." -Roz, on the Democrats choosing a presidential
candidate in 1968

"Becca didn't think she needed Jesus until she nearly died in a freak
dishwashing accident. Can Christianity save her in time?" -Becca Thal

SCENE: The students are trying to persuade Mr. Phillips to convert the
Physics class to a history of science class for the last few weeks of the
year.
Julian: Just make it up!  We won't call you on it!
Miller: Call it "debunking the myths of science."

"Do not change your sleeping quarters without my knowledge, or I
will--who, who!--chase you down and make you sleep in the woods." -Mr.
Riahi, on being Hancock "night owl", responsible for making sure all the
students are in bed on time

"Dear Madam, he is too good for you.  By the power vested in me by the
state of Massachusetts, I break you two up." -Julian, on what it would be
like if the Massachusetts government were allowed to deny marriage
licenses to ill-matched couples

"This is a very tricky one to solve, but you can do it.  Well, you can't
do it; I can do it." -Mr. Phillips, to his Physics 1 class

"Who is the greater fool: the fool, or the fool who dates him?" -Alex George

"If you're ever being sassed by the mafia, don't yell, 'Prohibition's
over!  Get over it!'  They take it personally." -Julian, on the mafia
originating during Prohibition

"I'm not too observant today.  At least I'm better than Owen, who just
asked me what town boasts claim to 'Belmont Hill.'" -Jenn Orlin.  Belmont
Hill is in Belmont.

"I wonder if my chromosomes are friends...." -Evan McGonagill

"It's Fitzgerald's best.  If you fall in love with it and want to read
more--forget it!  You're going to be disappointed.  The other novels are
horrible." -Ms. Bluestein, on The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald

"The problem with being the comic relief is that you don't get any
on-screen kissing scenes." -Andrea Lam

"I've never been asked [to play] Truth or Dare.  I feel as if I'm missing
out on some great American rite of passage." -Andrea Lam

"It's mutual Stockholm Syndrome." -Alex George, on his relationship with
Joanna Rifkin.  Stockholm Syndrome is the attraction of a hostage to the
captor who has spared his or her life.
If those quotes pleased you, sign up to receive more just like them: just
send an email to honorablementions-subscribe at qotw.net, and you'll
automatically be enrolled in our special Honorable Mentions program.

-Ben "cursing the stupid tradition of nicknames at the end of emails" Orlin