[QOTW] Quote of the Week July 11th 2004

[Quote of the Week]

Hey kids,
        Being quoter in the middle of summer is like being a living thing
in the middle of a drought. Not one of those plants that can store
water for months on end, either, nor one of those beetles I saw on
TV once that can stand on their heads and drink condensation off
their butts. I'm more like one of the countless desert animals who
withered up and died before anyone could make a documentary about
them. In desperation, the best I could come up with was calling
random people up and shouting, when they answered the phone, "Say
something funny!" This, I discovered, is probably the most
surefire way to prevent someone from saying anything remotely
funny at all.

        On a different subject, this week's winner was Becca Thal, with
her quote, "I sort of like when Michael Moore himself gets in the
shot, as opposed to doing the voice over.  He's so very fleshy and
charmless! It's entertaining in its way." Becca, you are one of
the emerald-green oasises in the desert my life as quoter has
become.
        And now, some more rare wellsprings of summer humor.
        "Yeah, well, that's not the kind of pretty I like!" -- Lauren, age
10, replying to "It's pretty in it's own way."
        "Roswell, this isn't a supportive environment, it's a harem." -- A
counsellor at Community Boating
        "Abra cadabra, you're a family. Someone give me twenty bucks." --
Roberta, Commuter Rail conductor, to a gay couple and some of
their friends.
        "This could really hurt someone. Give me your knuckles." --
Benjamin Copans, on a titanium thermos
        "Children's literature is a bunny-eat-bunny world." -- Kathleen
Leverich, children's book writer
        "He's got academic bling." -- Jenn Orlin, on her kid brother's
extracurricular activities.
        "I'm still bitter about being dentally retarded." -- Alex George,
on still having braces at age 17
        "Growing boys are now very fond of lesbians." -- a kid from Hotchkiss
        "He's invested in the macho version of beekeeping. He's afraid
you'll think beekeepers are gay because bees hang around flowers."
-- A Commonwealth mother, on the author of a beekeeping book
        "My mango is ripe, but my love died on the vine." Becca's mom's
hypothetical title for a mango-inspired country music song.

        A wise man once asked, "If a tree falls in the forest, and someone
makes a joke about it, but no one is around to quote him, is the
joke still funny?" No one can know for sure. The tree certainly
isn't laughing, and if you're talking to yourself in the middle of
the woods chances are just about anything is going to be funny for
you -- your joke about the tree, your imaginary friend, Emeril's,
witty response -- and you're going to keep laughing until,
hopefully, the rescue teams find you and bring you home. There's
only one way to know for sure. Go to http://www.qotw.net and
nominate a quote. Nominate a friend, nominate yourself, if you're
embarrassed you can do it anonymously. QOTW needs you!
        --Roswell "Sketchfest 2004" Thomas

       P.S. Oh, and, um, vote. Visit qotw.net if you've forgotten how.