[QOTW] Special Broadcast [QOTW 11/28/16]

[QOTW]

Good evening Commonwealth, welcome to Action News at 9:00. I’m Mason 
Granof, and here is the latest:
Last week, the infamous bathroom bandit has struck again, removing all 
the paper towels from the bathrooms, leaving us to use the largely 
ineffective air dryers. When we contacted the headmaster for a comment, 
he responded “Who is this? How did you get this number?” If you have any 
information on the bandit, please alert local authorities immediately.
Next up, we have two local figures winning the illustrious “Quote of the 
Week” award. The following quote won first prize in last’s week’s round 
of judging:


WINNER:
Tarang: I know a little bit of sign language.
Jeremy: Really?
Tarang: *raises middle finger*


Congratulations to Tarang and Jeremy for their standout victory. We now 
turn to my next segment, “Weekly Quotes”:


"Salt Lake City has become more dense as we invented AC and Mormons" 
-Anna Moss


"I've always thought a good slogan for a German restaurant would be 'the 
wurst is full of passionate intensity'" -Mr. Kerner, quoting Yeats


Mr. Wharton: Make sure you tank up at lunch.
Reid: ...tank up and invade Poland.


“I was going to get pita bread and hummus, but then I saw that there was 
no hummus, and then there was no pita bread, so now I have just bread” - 
Jason on Lunch


"I missed the Spanish-American war because I was in the bathroom" -Ellie 
on US History


"I have this weird habit of going on YouTube and watching roller coaster 
disasters" -Mr. Kerner


"Honestly, I don't think Belarus is a real country" -Erik


"We should call it 'Why Day,' like 'Why are we even here?'" -Mr. Barsi 
on Wednesday-Friday


“You know what the worst part of childbirth is?! The second goddamn 
baby!” -Ms. Haber to Linus


Katherine: It's really hard to put on pants, Caleb!
Mr. Lew: I know!


Thanks for tuning in Commonwealth. We’ll see you next week.


-Mason “The Reporter” Granof