[QOTW] Election Edition [11-4-16]

[QOTW]

*approaches mic*
*taps mic*
*adjusts mic repeatedly*

My fellow Americans,
It is soon that we approach an historic hour, with one of the most 
important choices our nation has to face now at hand. It has been a 
contentious cycle, filled with such important topics as war crimes, 
Islamic values, and sassiness. I am speaking, of course, about this 
week's worth of quotes. It is important that when you vote, you consider 
what truly embodies your comedic values. To show you what truly embodies 
a great quote, I will now read last week's election winner:

"I want to keep my ugly photo for the ID from when I was a freshman, 
because it's the last time I was truly happy" -Anonymous Upperclassman

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VOTING BALLOT:

Ms. Haber: Essentially, what Islam is teaching is that if you have an 
extra cupcake and you give it to a friend, that's not generosity. If you 
only have one cupcake and you give it to a friend, however, THAT'S true 
charity. You want to be charitable if you don't want to go to hell.
Lizzie: If I had both of those cupcakes, I'd just eat them both.
Ms. Haber: Well, Lizzie, we know where you're going.

"It's not la problema, it's el problema! Think about trump, he's male, 
he's the problem!" -Frederique

"That's how you do integrals... you look at it, hope for the best and 
try something. Then, when that fails, you hope for the best and try 
something else, and then you give up and plug it into Wolfram Alpha." 
-Mr. Paul

"This smells like World War One."
-Andrew, discussing chlorine gas

"I cut a lot of corners in quite a literal sense" -Katherine while 
cutting the corners of her Urban assignment

Ms. Jackman: "Does anyone know why people stopped using chlorine gas?"
Nate G.: "Because it was against the Geneva Convention?"

"Sometimes you gotta be sassy" -Anna Moss

Max: Do you ever think you'll meet your doppelgänger?
Linus: Yes

Evan Meyer:  "I chose Applied German."
Emma Connolly:  "As opposed to Theoretical German?"
Evan Meyer:  "Or abstract German."
Max Sunog:  "Multivariable German.  That's the hardest of the Germans."

"So I scaled your tests a bit... actually, i scaled them quite a lot." 
-Ms. Jackman

"It's not self loathing, I think it's just an intense desire to be 
Canadian." -Linus

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Please vote wisely. The moderate chuckles of future Americans depends 
upon it.

-Mason "The Statesman" Granof