[QOTW] Quote of the Year 2004-2005, Round 1

[Quote of the Week]

Voters:

As the snow falls softly upon Winchester, Quote of the Week takes a moment
to reflect upon the past three months.  With Christmas and Channukah
behind us, and the new year fast approaching, it seems only right that we
should take stock of the irreverent, disrespectful quotes we have heard
since September.  (A more skeptical person than you might question these
motives.  "Hey," they might say, "are you doing a QOTW rerun just because
there were no new quotes this week?"  I am glad that you are not this
cynical person; I hope that you never lose your childish sense of wonder
and gullibility.)

So it is that QOTW brings you Round 1 of the much-heralded Quote of the
Year 2004-2005 tournament.  Of these twelve quotes--the first twelve
winners from QOTW's blockbuster fourth season--four will advance to the
Quote of the Year finals.  Vote for them as you would in any other week
(i.e., following the instructions at
http://www.qotw.net/~qotw/howtovote.html).

THE QUOTES:

"The other day I went driving for the first time. I pretended I was
parking between two imaginary sports cars--and let me tell you, I did a
lot of virtual damage." -Aaron Littman

"Please move into the car, people. There is plenty of room if you push and
shove." -MBTA Conductor

"I have been working on one particular integral for the past two weeks and
I cannot solve it. Well no, I can solve it, but using the gamma
substitution and... it's like you see a fly on the wall and kill it with a
bazooka." -Mr. Riahi

"Your AIDS ribbon is drooping; it's like it figured out, 'Oh man, I'm
terminal.'" -Becca Thal

"Single-ply toilet paper in the admissions office: that's how you know
it's a safety school." -Becca Thal's mother

"You are neither concise nor essential." -Olivia Harris, to Ben Miller

"It is incredibly important for me to get to lunch on time today, for
reasons I will not go into. Okay, I'm very hungry. Let's get back to the
book." -Ms. Brewster, teaching the period before lunch

"Yeah, it's communist math... you see, [in unison] all the numbers are
equal." -Gabe Billings

"Give me, how do you say... pleasure!" -French exchange student,
attempting to ask Josh to dance

"[Hillary Clinton] wouldn't make a good president, but she'd be a good
dictator." -Wesley Morgan

"Commonwealth is like Hogwarts after Harry Potter graduates: just a bunch
of characters that no one cares about." -Julian Hyde

"ExCUSE, I was speaking with myself." -Somebody's cousin, age 3, on being
interrupted

Voting closes at 11:59 pm on December 31, 2004.  (Usually it'd be 5:00 pm,
but QOTW can't resist glamorous deadlines.)

Last week's winner was "I'm an atheist. I don't believe he exists." -Greta
Friar, responding to the assertion that Mr. Riahi is a god.  For more
hilarious quotes like the ones above, send a message to
honorablementions-subscribe at qotw.net (notice that it's "subscribe", NOT
"submit" as reported in previous weeks) and follow the instructions in the
confirmation email, to achieve membership on the exclusive Honorable
Mentions list.

-Ben "obligatory nickname" Orlin