[QOTW] QOTW Honorable Mentions, June 5, 2005

[Quote of the Week]

"You may go one at a time, male and female, as into the ark." -Mr. Davis,
on kids going to the bathroom during final exams

"I eat when I'm bored.  I can't imagine making out when I'm bored, no
matter how hard I try..." -Sammy Thomas, Roswell's younger brother

"How can I sweep you off your feet if you've already jumped into my arms?"
-Tanner Tillotson, to Rachel Pavia

"On Friday, June 3, Roswell Thomas becomes a man." -Ben Miller, announcing
Roz's birthday

"There's a lot of interesting chemistry along the way--some polymer
chemistry, and some stuff we can actually understand." -Ms. Jackman, on
making silicon transistors

"Ben Copans' fo-hawk could slice sheet metal." -Evan McGonagill

"Oh, wow." -Mr. Harsanyi, looking at the helium-filled condoms floating in
Mr. Wharton's office

"Miller and I are secret lovers, but he doesn't like me 'cause I'm black."
-Ben Copans

"At the time I was so underappreciated I wasn't in school." -Roswell
Thomas, on winning the "most underappreciated junior" award last year

"My number's in the directory!" -Eric Hanss, to a cheering crowd as he won
the award for best-dressed sophomore virgin most likely to soon lose their
virginity

As Alex prepared to ignite the Flaming Banana, in celebration of the award
for most original freshman:
Alex: "Dim the lights!"
Everyone: "That's the sun!"

"Or you could name a store 'Going out of business.'  Or 'Closed.'  'Closed
is open.'" -Jude Tedaldi, on confusing names for stores

"Forget my pills.  I'll just have a drink." -Nick Pittman's grandmother

"I lose an entire wig every time I comb my hair." -Reilly Grant

"Beware of charming people.  I've met some who are real stinkers." -Mr.
Harsanyi

"I like grading things because it's like judging people." -Kate Alper

"Nothing worthwhile can be done that you know how to do [now]." -Mr.
Sherry, to his graduating TheoCalc class; he was talking about great
mathematical breakthroughs

"Sometimes I feel like I have to be extra girly to compensate for the
nerdy boy I am at heart."

"It's weird, maybe broccoli are trees for little miniature people... I
doubt it, though." -Nora Rojas

"Woo, Commonwealth students in Church!" -Donna Desilus, on the fact that
graduation is held in a church

"Yesterday I received in the mail a library book from a student who,
according to Larry, graduated in the mid-eighties.  I do not want this to
happen again." -Ms. Frazer, school librarian, on overdue books

"Freud would understand me." -Harry Alper

"Borrowing condoms never works out, though.  Otherwise it'd probably be a
really big industry now, like car sharing." -Johan Jaenisch

And the uncensored portion of this week's Honorable Mentions email (those
with weaker constitutions should avert their eyes):

"I think I'm gonna try to solicit some signatures and maybe some sex."
-Nick Pittman, trying to get people to sign his yearbook

"You mean she can be used to perform unsafe abortions?" -Josh Haselkorn,
on a woman described as a coat hanger

"I like my men like I like my olive oil: extra virgin." -Hilary Johnson

-QOTW Management