[QOTW] QOTW Honorable Mentions, May 29, 2005

[Quote of the Week]

This email includes a ridiculous number of funny quotes.  You'll probably
find a few that you like better than the nominees.  If you feel the need
to complain about this, please don't do it to me.

"If there's a piano, we can gather 'round the piano and sing old
favorites... like Mozart's Requiem." -Mr. Wharton, on a Class of 2005 party

"Eric Davis is a beautiful man, and this is his son Sam Davis on clarinet.
 I suppose I should mention Judith Siporin, too, since she seems to be
mixed up in all this somehow." -Mark White, jazz band leader, introducing
Sam Davis at the jazz concert

"We were out playing a concert and it was a hundred degrees in the
shade... the guitars were melting.  By the end, my guitar looked like a
clock in a Salvador Dali painting." -Mark White

"Cheap-looking euro-cat." -Mark White, introducing Eric Hanss at the jazz
concert

"I've got to stop saying 'charming.'  I use about three adjectives, and
two of them are 'charming.'" -Becca Thal

"I haven't been doing very much homework lately.  I think I'm suffering
from senioritis." -Evan McGonagill, junior

"I was down at Brown the other day and they didn't have ANY squirrels. 
I'll have to bring some down myself and breed them in my room.  Well, let
them breed." -Hilary Johnson, on how she'll survive at college next year

"I can't tell you how many times I'd wake up from a dream thinking I'd
solved something from my dissertation... most of it was delusional." -Mr.
Sherry

"I pretty much can't speak Spanish.  The 'pretty much' is not essential."
-Dewey Cyr

"We have to bond because we have no natural light.  I guess we have a
window... technically." -Jenn Orlin, on making friends with the other kids
staying on the basement floor of a building for a summer Study Abroad
program

"If you want to go to Air Force Academy, you should get in shape to be
able to fight off the rapists." -Wesley Morgan

On buying overpriced stocks on the assumption that someone else will pay
even more for them:
Josh Haselkorn: "It's the greater fool theory."
Mr. Sherry: "Yes, Josh, but you're assuming you're not the greater fool."

"We have also arranged for the weather to be perfect during exams, just to
drive everyone crazy." -Ms. Brewster

"That's not a lie.  Once you've said it, it becomes true." -Julian Hyde,
on saying "There's a rumor that..."

"You know what I'm looking forward to?  This weekend.  Three days of
unmitigated sleep." -Julian Hyde

"The funniest quotes are not said." -Cameron Russell

"I know nothing.  I claim to know nothing and I do know nothing." -Mr.
Sherry, on picking stocks

"Speaking of thankless jobs... the jobs program." -Mr. Conolly

"There's a simple way to solve all the world's problems: floss twice a
day." -Julian Hyde

"I've gotta get me a clam." -Hilary Johnson, on the abnormally large
gonads of clams

"Anyone who stayed at Roundhouse--if you have my jeans, that'd be
awesome." -Anna Moss, at announcements

"That'd be the weirdest prank: go around and poop on someone's car." -Paul
Cavallaro

On the chemistry of grief:
Paul Cavallaro: "Ben would break down in manly tears.  That's what I cry. 
Manly tears."
Ms. Jackman: "Is the salt content different?"

"Let's go over things for the midyear.  That's right, we have another
semester left." -Lily Holland, on Ms. Jackman's accidentally referring to
the "midyear" exam

"I LOVE the ninth grade!  They're so much better than the tenth grade. 
The tenth grade blows.  The freshmen are so happy." -John Oliverio

"Roz takes Art History because he wants to meet girls." -Donna Desilus

When the English 12 class is being indecisive:
Ms. Brewster: "You all just want to sit on the fence, don't you?"
Donna Desilus: "It's a good view from the fence."

"We have a three-way tie for fifth place, which is kind of awkward."
-Becca Thal, handing out Cookie Day awards

"I want a round of appreciation for Ms. Brewster... for dressing really
cute in the face of really bad weather." -Ms. Rome

"The munchkins are growing.  They're growing big." -Liz Weisman, to herself

And some quotes on that hot new fad, yearbook-signing:
"Hey Sol--You're a cool guy.  Remember freshman year?" -Mr. Wharton,
ostensibly signing Sol's yearbook

"Teddy--I see the little white rabbit in your eyes.  Don't follow it. 
Love, Kate." -Kate Alper, wondering how to sign Teddy's yearbook

"'You have garlic breath.'" -Kate Alper, thinking about potential yearbook
signatures

"'Ah!  That was that.  My perception of Dewey is a hollow illusion.'  Is
that what you're afraid of?  Don't worry.  The way you sign my yearbook
will only color 90% of my opinion of you." -Wesley Morgan, telling Dewey
Cyr not to be nervous about leaving a lame signature in his yearbook

And the Honorable Mentions continue:

"It's kind of cool being the only girl in jazz band.  I'm always the best
behaved." -Hilary Johnson

"Thalxism: join the revolution." -Becca Thal, with a new take on Marxism

And to finish it off, a healthy dose of charm from that old softie Mr.
Racioppi (I'm not being sarcastic.  Mr. Racioppi wouldn't harm a
fly--although he did once skin a cat.):

"This is really our last day of class.  On Tuesday, all I want from you is
your papers and to see your smiles one last time.  And if you believe
that..." -Mr. Racioppi, to his Environmental Science class

"He said, 'You fool!  You're going about it all wrong!'  He always made me
feel good about myself.  I hope he rots." -Mr. Racioppi, on his thesis
advisor

"This is the last time we'll meet, so I can say this: I didn't have a
problem with you guys.  God, it pains me to say that." -Mr. Racioppi, to
his Environmental Science class

That's it.  You can go back to your lives now.

-Ben "Borlin" Orlin